May the Fourth Be With You 2015

Happy Star Wars day! Here are a few ways you can celebrate the third-best sci-fi-pun-based holiday of the summer:

  • Watch and react to the teaser trailer for Episode VII.
  • Walk around all day in a Jedi robe
  • Try to invent a real light saber by using a green laser pointer in a hollow tube lined with two-way mirrors (hmm, would that actually work? only one way to find out)
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Posted by on May 4, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Sriracha vs. Arizona Gunslinger: Part 5

Coming up, the 5th and final round of the hot sauce challenge. Just put in an order at Pizza Studio for a pizza with: Rosemary Herb Crust, Freshly Grated Mozzarella, Crumbled Feta, Minced Garlic, Caramelized Onion, Roasted Red Peppers, Nitrate Free Pepperoni, Sweet Chicken Sausage, and Chopped Cilantro.
Half will get Arizona Gunslinger, and half will get Sriracha. This will answer once and for all the age-old question of which sauce is more delicious.

Result: The Arizona Gunslinger half was fantastic – peppery and vinegary, with a nice kick to it. Sriracha added a delicious flavor to the pizza, blending perfectly with the spices on the pizza. After a lot of deliberation, I’ve decided on a winner. The winner is…Me.

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Posted by on April 19, 2015 in Uncategorized


Sriracha vs. Arizona Gunslinger: Part 4

Hot sauce challenge part 4: grilled cheese sandwich with a fried egg. The Sriracha blended in nicely with the flavor of the fried egg, and was delicious. The Arizona Gunslinger added a nice warmth which fit in perfectly with the sandwich.

Result: Incredibly tough choice. I think I’m going to call this one a draw.

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Posted by on April 18, 2015 in Uncategorized



Sriracha vs. Arizona Gunslinger: Part 3

Round 3 of the hot sauce challenge – mac and cheese.

Result: Kept going back and forth – I think I’m going to call this one a tie.
Just going to have to keep trying stuff until I find a winner, or until I run out of hot sauce.

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Posted by on April 16, 2015 in Uncategorized



Sriracha vs. Arizona Gunslinger: Part 2

Round 2 of the hot sauce challenge, two identical breakfast burritos for dinner.

Result: Once again, too close to call. Both the Sriracha and Arizona Gunslinger were crazy good, of course.

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Posted by on April 15, 2015 in Uncategorized



Sriracha vs. Arizona Gunslinger: Part 1

It’s a battle of the hot sauces tonight. I’m making two identical chicken quesadillas, but eating one with Sriracha and one with Arizona Gunslinger red jalapeño sauce.

Two sauces will enter, one will emerge victorious. Or probably not, since they’re both ridiculously delicious.

Result: It was too close to call. I guess I’m going to have to keep trying with more foods until I can pick a winner.

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Posted by on April 14, 2015 in Uncategorized



Announcing my candidacy

I have decided to do something meaningful with my life. I’m running for President of the United States in 2016.

I will be 35 years old just in time for the election, making me constitutionally eligible. I’ll be running as an independent, to avoid allying myself with either of the two major parties – it’s time for a change.

Most people get into politics at a lower level first, running for governor, maybe senator, before running for the most powerful office in the country, but my ideas simply can’t wait for that long – the country needs me now.

If you’re wondering about my political experience, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I’ve successfully registered to vote, and have even been aware of the names of the candidates of multiple past presidential elections. So that puts me way ahead of the curve, and the perfect choice for the next 8 years.

My campaign platform is as follows:

  • Daylight Saving Time: My first order of business is to cancel Daylight Saving Time. Any state or US territory attempting to implement DST starting in 2017 will be subject to federal imprisonment.
  • Marriage Equality: Marriage should be between any two people who love each other, or between an old rich man and a hot 22-year-old gold-digger.
  • Tax: Anyone who voted for me will receive a 15% rebate on their income tax for as long as I remain in office.
  • National Pride: The Geico gecko will be named as the official lizard of the United States. Also, Cheez-Whiz and all Cheez-Whiz-related products will be officially classified as delicious.
  • Federal Holidays: SuperBowl Sunday will be defined as a national holiday, and all American citizens will be legally obligated to watch the game. Exceptions will be made for emergency workers and pizza/wings restaurant employees, but in those cases, federal tax rebates will be given to hospitals, police stations, and restaurants to install TVs in their locations and vehicles so they can watch while they work.
  • Washington Morale: There will be a mandatory toga party every other Saturday on the White House lawn.

I haven’t decided on a running mate just yet, but I’m currently considering Bill Clinton, or possibly Morgan Freeman.

I’ve done some travelling to see what kind of chance I’ll have in the election, and after vising the great states of New England, Long Island, and Minneapolis, I think I’ve got a shot. 3 states down, 54 to go.

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Posted by on April 1, 2015 in Uncategorized


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